if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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