you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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