I'm really into asian looking animals
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
