I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
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