Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
