new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
