My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Randomize
