I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
cat food counts as protein by the way
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
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