Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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