apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
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