I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
im calling her cock vulture from now on
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Randomize
