i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
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