I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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