think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
