90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
