if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
