Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
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