Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
