I hate all girls vehemently.
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
as a side note pls kill me
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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