I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
