I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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