why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
