You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
You're a waste of cheezeits
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I touched a dick in church today
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
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