Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Randomize
