A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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