so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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