I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
