While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Randomize
