your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
