someone threw a dead crab at me
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
