I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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