Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
