shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
