ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
