I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Randomize
