Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
