Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
