Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
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