Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize