I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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