her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
he shaved USA in his pubs
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
