we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
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