Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(407): View more from Florida

We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.

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(618): View more from Illinois

the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game

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(+64): View more from New Zealand

I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer

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(573): View more from Missouri

dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one

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(908): View more from New Jersey

I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.

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(905): View more from Ontario

It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on

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(575): View more from New Mexico

Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.

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(734): View more from Michigan

Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that

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(513): View more from Ohio

Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.

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