rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Randomize
