I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
