Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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