I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
party gras won. party gras always wins.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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