What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
