I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
