Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
