girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
The chlamydia really affected his face.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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