worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
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