omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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