Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
