um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
