and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
