So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
