I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Randomize
