There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
