The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
