So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
