Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Randomize
