i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
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