My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
