You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
