I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
