i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
