So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
