I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize