two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize