Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
