I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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