It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
