Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
