You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
