So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Randomize
