WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
